I look forward to telling her things I think she’ll like because I love to see her reaction. Sometimes she squeals, but she usually gets a BIG smile and jumps up & down. She does that when we tell her she’s going to her friend, Isabella’s, house.

She also loves dresses, hats, and anything to with dressing up, really.

I don’t think she would be quite so into dressing up or dresses in general without her sister’s influence. Jenna gets really upset if she has to wear pants. She would wear a dress every single day if I would let her…and I usually do. But Sarah has to wear a uniform to her Montessori school, so she changes as soon as she gets home every day. Sarah does like to do what her sister does…isn’t that what big sisters are for? When Jenna lost her second tooth, I wanted a picture of  her new smile.

Sarah didn’t want to be left out.

They both love to run around, wrestle, talk about poop, make a mess, and FIGHT. Sarah is actually pretty good about playing by herself, as long as Jenna’s not around to ruin it. Synergy. Sarah’s our little hoarder. She loves to take a little purse, bag, box, whatever, and just fill it with junk and carry it around. She’s so funny. Jay & I teach her class every other Sunday at church, and she even does it there. She’ll find anything she can stuff with…STUFF, and be perfectly content. That’s why I hate games and puzzles around the house, because you can guarantee she’ll divide all the pieces among any number of bags or boxes, and there’s no telling where we’ll find it.

Both of the girls LOVE their sweets, although Jenna more so than Sarah. Sarah loves to eat pizza, chicken nuggets, and just about any junk. Vegetables, though? Forget it. I haven’t found one yet that she’ll eat. She doesn’t even like fruit, unless it comes out of a can. She does love her milk, though. Very disappointing for me because I tried so hard to get her off to a healthy start. I made all her baby food, graduated to making healthy meals for her, and tried to avoid giving her junk for as long as I could. Somewhere along the way though, she learned that she had no use for the healthy stuff. I guess that’s why she had so much fun at this gingerbread house decorating party.

Christmas. I am sure it will be Sarah’s favorite time of the year. She loved all of it. This was really the first year she was old enough to “get” everything. She did talk a lot about Jesus and she loved her Christmas hymns, but what kid doesn’t love Santa, candy, Christmas movies, and all the pretty, shiny decorations? She loves to sing (LOVES to sing), and still claims that Joy to the World is her favorite song. I think we will be singing Christmas carols to her at bedtime all year long.

Sarah had to get glasses in December. Obviously, most of the pictures in this post were post-glasses. Her teacher said she noticed one of her eyes crossing, so of course I was VERY concerned about that. It took a while before we noticed it, but after a couple of weeks, it got worse and worse. We took her to have her eyes checked, and sure enough, she’s far sighted like her mama. Fortunately, not as bad, but still they’re pretty thick. She did not want to wear them at all at first, but she has gotten better about it. I hope & pray she’ll grow out of some of it, because I don’t want her to have to go through all I went through. I’m sure she won’t completely grow out of it, but it would be nice if her prescription could be a little weaker as she gets older. Sigh.

Hmm, what else does Sarah love? Chipotle, Chuy’s, dancing, swinging at the park, Maggie, Mimi & Beebaw, going to Nana  & Pops’ house, church, Mickey Mouse, Hello Kitty, Dora, my camera or phone, and various movies. She rotates through her favorites, but right now, Despicable Me is at the top. She loves to say “Boo Ya!” like the villain in that movie. Super cute. She loves her “babies.” She always wants to have a baby with her wherever we go. It could be an actual baby doll, it could be any stuffed animal, or even a blanket. Unfortunately, she also loves her thumb. I don’t know how we’ll break her of that, but she constantly has that thumb in her mouth. Also unfortunate – her early internal alarm. She wakes up around 5:15 every day, ready to go. Ugggh. She also loves birthdays. Kids are so fascinated with birthdays. Of course, she was even more excited when it was her own. I didn’t try to play that up, so I could see her squeal, at all.

Happy Birthday Sarah

I hate that I’m always telling her “no.” Can we please, please, please play at the park for a little while? No, I have to work. Can we please, please, please go get ice cream? No, I have to work. Can we please go to the library? (That one only gets one please.) No, I have to work. These are things she does with Mimi, but unfortunately, they are things I can rarely do with her. I chose this. I went back to work, and I chose to pick her up instead of putting her in an after-school program. It stresses me out to be in the middle of something and have her bust in with “The show’s over!” or “I want some paper or another snack or I want to go outside…” Or even a hug with “I love you.” I really hate being “bothered” with that one, but I require a lot of concentration for most of what I do. I chose this because I thought it would be best for her to get to come home after school, and I thought it would be best for me to get to see her a little more. But I wonder if I chose right.

I’ll have to update with some pictures when I get around to organizing them (that’s a whole other issue) and uploading to Photobucket. In a nutshell, here’s what has been happening. I went back to work full-time last March, and I have had a love/hate relationship with it. I get to work from home, which I also have a love/hate thing with. It has been very busy, leaving me no time for anything else during the day except work. I guess that’s the point of having a full-time job (wink wink) but that leaves a whole lot of stuff to get done in the evenings and weekends. Sarah is in a Montessori school, which is where Jenna was before she started Kindergarten. She likes Kindergarten–in fact, since she’s been out of school for Christmas, she keeps asking when she gets to go back. I have loved spending this week with them, but I have to admit I am looking forward to the silence I have while working all day. Not looking forward to the work that awaits, but I can’t have one without the other!

I am very happy to report that Sarah has not been crying nearly as much as she used to. She used to cry all the time. ALL.THE.TIME. About everything. About nothing. She still has her tantrums and whines all the time, but she is better about keeping the crying more to a normal 2-year-old level. Now that she’ll be 3 in a couple of weeks, I’m curious about what that will bring. She just got glasses and that poor thing has eyes almost as bad as her mama. They are thick and she is far-sighted, so they magnify her eyes. She doesn’t like to keep them on at home much, but she does fine at school and most other places. Her eyes are crossed without them, which is how we knew she needed them, but I pray she grows out of that. We have her follow-up visit soon, so hopefully he’ll say things are progressing as they should be.

Jenna is much more fun. I am not wired for toddlers. I prefer kids who don’t test everything, and (for the most part) do what they’re supposed to. Don’t get me wrong–she does not listen too well and she “forgets” on a daily basis to do what we ask, and there are times she blatantly disobeys. But mostly she is a regular, good kid who loves dresses, candy (or any dessert), unicorns, playing outside, barbies, and winning everything. We need to work on her losing skills. It’s funny–she is not much of a girly girl in the way she acts and behaves, but that girl refuses to wear anything but a dress or a skirt. It’s been cold so I just get her to wear leggings with her dresses or skirts. Sometimes she looks kinda silly, but it’s better than the tears and fits we get in the 30 minutes of trying to get dressed every morning if we try to make her wear pants. It’s crazy, but she is who she is. One of our good friends recently referred to her as the energizer bunny. She keeps going and going. She has unlimited energy, which will be great for her later, but right now it’s pretty annoying. She hasn’t taken a nap in years, and often we have to make her sit in a chair for a few minutes just to calm down. She can get pretty out of control, as if she’s always on a sugar high. Fortunately, she has started sleeping late though (as in, we often have to wake her up at 6:30 on school days). Unfortunately, it’s usually her sister who wakes her up. Sarah wakes up around 5:30 every day and is ready to go. Bleh, I am so ready for this phase to pass and I hope it will, but it’s been going on for 5-6 months. I am super lucky to have a morning person for a husband. Which is great because I could not be less of a morning person. He gets up with her/them when appropriate, and I get to stay in bed a little longer. Usually don’t sleep because of the noise factor, but how great to be able to stay in my warm bed. Ahhh.

So that was a little longer than the brief post I thought it would be, but I really do need to document my poor girls’ lives so I can remember later. I can’t usually remember what I had for breakfast the day before, so chances are slim I will remember 10 years from now how old Jenna was when she lost her first tooth. Sigh. (5 1/2, by the way)

First, Jenna has had a growing entourage of imaginary friends. It started with Alli, a year or so ago. She often joined us for dinner, on car rides, or in the park. She was often in Hawaii though, and couldn’t make it to certain events. Alli was quickly joined by Sally. We were never sure which of them was with us, but Jenna made sure to clue us in. Alli and Sally both kind of disappeared for a while, but they’re back. Now, they’ve been joined by March, April, and May. I don’t know–maybe their friend, June, will join soon. I don’t discourage that–Jenna has a pretty vivid imagination, but that’s a good thing. I make her have quiet time in her room most days when Sarah is napping, and I hear her in there having all sorts of conversations with all sorts of people and animals. She claims not to like “quiet time,” but she sure seems to have a good time!

Jenna is a great big sister, but she is often a little TOO “helpful.”  Always doting on her sister, usually to the point of tears from Sarah. Of course, Sarah cries about everything so I think some of it is just habit. She is constantly trying to get Sarah to do things, trying to pick her up and carry her, read to her, and teach her songs. A few days ago, I was watching Jenna try to teach Sarah something that I explicitly told them both not to do. She was being very quiet about it, not knowing I was watching. As soon as she saw me, she loudly said, “No, Sarah! I said don’t do that!” WHAT??? I know it will continue. I also admit it was kind of funny, but of course she got in trouble. She’s a smart one.

Jenna loves to color, and lately Sarah has been joining her. I LOVE that they can sit and do something together, and because I have magic erasers, I don’t even care what Sarah colors! I’m hoping that continues, too. Jenna also loves to make necklaces with beads. She pretty much likes to do any kind of craft. It’s great, if I can find something that she enjoys and Sarah doesn’t get into or cry about.

Now, Sarah. Sarah’s a pain in the ass, but she’s so cute that it’s almost OK. Almost. That girl has some crazy hair. It’s really curly, and when it’s humid, it’s worse. But she has a few straight pieces in the back, so it always looks super messy. It’s been getting curlier as she gets older, and as it gets longer. Lately I have been putting it in little pig tails, which helps a lot but they don’t stay in all day. She tries to pull them out, too. We say her hair matches her personality. She’s a sassy little thing, but she’s got these looks that crack us up. She looks at us sideways and just turns her eyes, and then laughs. Like a devilish, mischievous thing. It’s so cute though–I wish I could get it on video. She also loves to sing and read books right now. She’s very particular about what she wants to read, and what she wants us to sing. For books, anything goes. Her favorites change weekly. For songs, her favorites are ABCs, Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, Jesus Loves Me, and You Are My Sunshine. She always wants us to sing ABCs. Over and over and over. When we sing Jesus Loves Me, she does the hand motions that they do at church. I never get tired of seeing that and hearing her sweet little voice.

I have made no secret of how much Sarah drives me crazy. She cries. A LOT. Lately I have been putting her in her room and telling her she can come out when she’s done crying, because every little thing sets her off. It gives me some sanity, except I often have to put all her clothes back in her drawers because apparently she’s “showing me” by emptying them when I make her stay in her room. Ahhh. She also likes to be naked. She has been sleeping with her zip-up footing jammies on backwards for a few months now because, well, let’s just say there was a poop incident. That was before she abandoned her crib (which happened to be Christmas Day), so at least it was contained at that point. I don’t want to take any chances now! She has been using the potty lately, but not really. She’s in the early stages of potty training, always wanting to sit on it but very rarely doing anything.

Not that anyone’s still reading, but I’m going to talk about my obsession. My name is Karen. I am a knitter. I started knitting in September, and I think there have been 5 days since then that I haven’t knit. That’s not really true though. I tried to teach myself several years ago, but I quit. Then I tried again about 3 years ago, but never finished anything. Since I’ve started in September, I have made lots of things. Lots of dishcloths, bags, hats, headbands, and last night I finished the biggest thing I’ve done.

My short-sleeve cardigan thing. It took me 6-7 weeks. I don’t have much patience for something this size, so I think I’ll be sticking to smaller things for a while. And I really meant to have a cheesier smile to match the cheesy pose, but I guess I stopped before the picture was taken? Here are some more things I’ve made…

I have stacks of magazines I haven’t read, and the house isn’t as clean as it should be, but I credit my sanity to this new obsession.

People say “I can’t believe my baby’s already 2″ or 3 or 6 or whatever. But I keep saying I can’t believe she’s ONLY 2. It seems like she’s been around here for years. Maybe it’s because she has literally driven me crazy. Staying home with 2 kids has never been my dream. I know I’m lucky to be able to do it, but I’d be lying if I said I enjoyed it. I am exhausted all the time, I always feel like I need a massage, my back hurts all the time from carrying her around, and I am cranky all the time. What a great mom! To top it off, after a bout with depression last summer, I am on zoloft. The thing is, Sarah is constantly crying. She cries more than any other kid I’ve ever known. She cries and whines about EVERYTHING. I noticed today that from the time I picked them up from glorious MDO to the time we got home, she didn’t cry once. It was a record. And I should mention that it takes us about a minute and a half to get home from there. It was so sweet. She is so sweet and cute when she’s not crying–it’s a shame that is so infrequent! I could go on, but she is crying now since she’s up from her nap. And by the way–Christmas Eve she decided she was done with her crib, so since Christmas Day, she’s been on her mattress on the floor. We have to lock her in her room to get her to stay in there though…

The bottom line is this: I am blessed to be able to stay home with my kids. I love them and they’re great kids, and I think it’s much better for them to be able to stay home than be in daycare (although they might like that better…). But I don’t usually enjoy it and I’m not particularly happy, so I am always going back & forth in my head about diving into a job search. I won’t even mention our financial situation, but I’m sure I’ll still be at home with them for a while. Jenna starts Kindergarten in the Fall, but she’s not the one who causes me all the headaches! I pray that something snaps and Sarah stops being such a pain in the ass and I develop a new attitude about it all.

Sarah is totally average, size-wise. 23 lbs, 12 ozs (50%), 32 inches (50%), and her head is 48 inches around, putting her in the 80th % for that. I guess that’s why she’s always hitting her big head on things–it’s too big for the rest of her body. She is a handful, for sure. Always climbing on things, getting into everything, and screaming for what she wants. Other moms comment that she is fearless and energetic. I know you’re not supposed to compare your kids to others, but it’s hard not to. Sometimes I think mine are out of control. They fight a lot already, but they are very sweet, too. They hug a lot and Sarah is starting to give kisses. It’s so cute! She is SO cute. When she’s not crying. Which doesn’t seem to be that often! I ignore her when she cries, which usually makes it worse but I don’t want her to think that’s how she’ll get what she wants.

Sarah’s favorite things right now are snacks, buckling things like her booster seat or car seat, hitting her sister when I’m not looking, the aforementioned screaming, peek-a-boo, running away from me in public places, climbing on things, milk, going outside, and books. That’s my favorite from her list of favorites. But not just any books. She does enjoy ripping pages out of certain books, which we’re working on, but she loves a few of her board books. She favors Clifford. She loves me to read them to her over & over before bed, and first thing in the morning. The first thing she wants me to do when I get her out of her crib is get a book and read it to her. She has to have one when I change her diaper, and she points to her bookshelf and whines if I don’t let her get one. It’s a good thing to be into–I hope it sticks!

Although I am tired of the crying and screaming, Sarah is not the one I am most looking forward to a break from. I did discover recently that Sarah is much more pleasant to be around when Jenna is not around. For some reason, Jenna gets her going and makes her whine a lot. Jenna is constantly pulling her, pushing her, dragging her, biting her, or hitting her. The latter 2 don’t happen as often, but when they do, there is big trouble. I get so tired of telling her to stop and I’m wondering if I need to rethink the punishment strategy. I know they’ll fight and hit each other…that’s what siblings to. But I don’t want Sarah to learn that behavior from Jenna just yet! I love Jenna, of course, but she sure annoys the crap outta me. Everything she does lately annoys me. I guess that’s what happens when you spend all day, every day with someone. Which is one of the many reasons I am so looking forward to Mother’s Day Out starting in 23 long days. I now wish I had followed in the path of one of Jenna’s friends from last year’s class. His mom is putting him in a different place for 4 days a week. How heavenly would that be??? 4 days is a bit much, but 3 would be awesome. But, both Jenna and Sarah are going for 2 glorious days a week. I will be able to finish my own thoughts. I will be able to make doctor appointments, get my hair cut, spend some time online, and actually clean the house without it being immediately destroyed. I will be able to cook meals to be reheated for dinner, so as not to listen to all the crying that goes on during the usual dinner preparation. I will even be able to relax if I want to, but who am I kidding–those 4 hours will fly by. I guess my perpetual bad mood these days is a combination of the miserable August heat, the lack of quiet around here, my impatience with Jenna’s inability to follow directions, and the absence of “me” time. When I meet friends for playdates, we can’t even finish a sentence without being interrupted. Why won’t the kids just play and leave us alone??? Ah, OK, enough venting. I guess it’s a good thing I’m not blogging more, because that’s pretty much how it would go.

I do have to leave with my disclaimer, since it will probably be months before I blog again. I do have 2 beautiful, sweet girls. I am blessed that they are healthy, somewhat happy, and that I get to stay home with them. Even though they drive me CRAZY and I rarely have the energy to deal with it all day, I know it will go by fast. At least, that’s what I’m told and I’m holding onto that hope.

Sarah is not talking yet, but she does have a few words she favors. “Mo” is the one we hear most often. “Mo” is her word for more, and she uses it to refer to anything she wants. If she sees her sippy cup, she points to it and says “mo.” If she sees her favorite stuffed lamb, she says “mo,” and if she sees her snack cup or anyone eating any snack anywhere, she says “mo.” She says “da,” referring to both dogs and daddy, but I know her intention is there for both. She’ll say it when she sees any dog–not just ours. But only her dad–not just any dad. And she says “Mama” clear as day, often. But I don’t necessarily know that she says it when she is specifically trying to get my attention. She does understand things. Yesterday I was sitting on the playroom floor with her, and she was in my lap. She got up and babbled. I said “See the books? Do you want to go get a book?” She walked over to the shelf, grabbed a book, and plopped down in my lap for me to read it to her. My heart melted. Of course, she didn’t make it through the first page before she got up to do something else. Baby steps.

Jenna:

35 1/2 lbs, 50%

39″ tall, 50%

Sarah:

21 lbs, 50%

30″ long, 50%

head – 47 cm, 75%

So…my girls are really average, except for Sarah’s big ol’ head. She is teething now. Getting her incisors, and it’s causing problems on both ends. She has had a few diaper blowouts lately. Very loose bowels, and a horrible diaper rash to go along with it. Poor thing. Last night she threw up at dinner, although she seemed to feel just fine before and after. She has done that a handful of times, so we weren’t too concerned about it. But I can see her little teeth trying to poke through, which is what I’m chalking that up to. And maybe all the beans she ate for lunch???

Blatant disobedience–I am not so relaxed on that one. If I ask her not to do something and she looks me in the eye and does it, she gets a spanking. No debating. I hate spanking. I always said I didn’t want to do it, but it’s the only thing she responds to. I have decided I’m going to start taking her dresses away if this continues though. Sweets and dresses are her favorite things now, and I don’t want to use sweets as a reward or punishment. So we’ll see how that goes, too.

Lying. Oh, the lying. That’s a tricky one. Sometimes I don’t really know if she’s old enough to fully comprehend what she’s saying, but sometimes I know without a doubt that she is knowingly telling me a lie and she doesn’t even care. That’s what I can’t tolerate and I haven’t figured out yet what to do about that one. When I punish her for lying, I try to be clear that it’s not about whatever she lied about. It’s not about coloring on the table or not eating all her dinner or not washing her hands. It’s about telling me she didn’t do something, when clearly she did. I know all kids do it (or, most kids?) but don’t they eventually admit it?

Here’s what else she does–she has this smug look that she gives me. When she gives me this look, I want to slap it right off her face. But of course, I would never do that and I don’t even like to think about it. So usually I grab her jaw and tell her she will not look at me like that. I can’t descibe the look and chances are I’ll never get a picture of it, but it’s a look that says “yeah, I’m not listening. What are you gonna do about it?” Frustrating. Infuriating. But I just have to deal with it.

Whining. That’s another thing. And crying. At least once a day, she will start crying about something stupid, and not let up. So I’ll tell her to go to her room until she’s done. Sometimes I’ll just send her to her room if she doesn’t answer me. I’ll tell her to go sit there until she’s ready to answer me. Usually that sets off a tantrum. When it stops, I’ll go in her room and see if she’s OK and if she’s ready to answer or stop crying. That’ll set her off again. And sometimes she gets SO worked up, she can’t even stop crying. She’ll say “I c-c-c-an’t s-s-s-stop c-c-c-c-ryinggggg,” between sobs. I actually do feel sorry for her, and usually I just hug her and tell her to take deep breaths.

I try. Really I do. I try not to get frustrated, I try not to yell, and I try not to let it get to me because I know she can sense that. It’s getting to where I don’t even want to (or am afraid to?) be around her for any length of time. Like now. I have to pick her up from MDO in 40 minutes. I’m thinking what are we going to DO? We can’t come home. She will whine and Sarah will scream and try to climb all over me and it will be miserable. If I go to a store, Sarah will scream and writhe around and not want to be confined to a cart. We can go to a park. Then what? Jay won’t be home until after dinner/bedtime. I haaate getting dinner ready when Sarah is crying and stepping all over my feet the entire time. Then what will we do after dinner? Another park? A walk?

So, there it is. My complaining. I want to remember this. I want to remember everything good, but I want to remember why I wanted to work part-time and why I don’t smile a whole lot and why my neck and shoulders ache all the time from tension and why I feel like a new person when Jay & I get 2 hours to go to dinner by ourselves. Ah, to ourselves. I’ll hang onto that thought a while.

We had Jenna’s birthday party at her favorite gymnastics place, and she had a blast. Sadly, I didn’t get many pictures of her playing on the gymnastics equipment because she NEVER STOPPED RUNNING. At least I got her favorite part though. The girl still loves her sweets.

She also loves dresses, bows, lipstick, princesses, and having her fingernails painted. She is very much obsessed with picking out her clothes, and she usually doesn’t like to be bothered wearing the same clothes for a whole day. She loves playing outside, Angelina Ballerina, and flowers. Oh, how she LOVES to pick flowers. Unfortunately, she loves to pick them all, and she gets herself into trouble by picking the ones she knows she’s not supposed to. Usually it’s followed by a lie: “I didn’t pick it. It was on the ground.” Or if she’s with a friend, “I didn’t pick it, Luke did.” Little devil, we’ve been working on that lying thing, too. She loves to go on “family walks” after dinner. With the nice weather, we’ve been doing that a lot, but she rides her trike and Sarah rides in the jogging stroller. Jenna doesn’t know it yet, but she’ll get a big girl bike today and hopefully she’ll be as excited as I think she will.

She loves to eat (mostly snacks), gets super excited if she gets a “special treat” after dinner, and right now her favorites are chicken nuggets, pizza, and grilled cheese. Yeah–typical kid fare. She doesn’t eat nearly as much as she used to though–unfortunately, she doesn’t like to eat much else. Though I did discover that I can make fish sticks (more like fish nuggets) with frozen tilapia fillets, panko breadcrumbs, and parmesan. Both girls love them. Yay! She loves to color and is into drawing stick figures of her family. She loves to make necklaces, and she’s getting into pretend play (things they do in school) and playing with her sister! They both like to play on the playground and swing, but I couldn’t get a picture of her on the rope swing at her birthday party. I did get one of Sarah with her daddy though.

Jenna is such a sweet big sister. She definitely has her moments (hitting!) but she likes to make sure Sarah has everything she needs, and a lot that she doesn’t. She likes to pick out her clothes, help get her food ready, and check for dirty diapers. Too bad she doesn’t want to change them! She likes to make sure Sarah always has a toy to play with–even if she really doesn’t want one. I love when both of them play together in the playroom for a few minutes.

Like any 4-year-old, Jenna often causes me to lock myself in the bathroom, pull my hair out, and wonder what my life has become. But she is such a special blessing! I love the things she says, I love that she says grace every night, that she loves to help, and that she has such a caring heart. I wish I could spend more time coloring with her, reading to her, making necklaces with her, or painting her nails without Sarah standing there screaming to be held, but I love that she is sweet enough to understand. I don’t want to look back on these sweet days and forget what she was like, but I hope that sweet spirit never changes.